[et_pb_section admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]<\/p>\n
We\u2019re in the back yard. \u00a0My father in his seventies kneels concentrating in front of the apple tree. \u00a0\u201cEmber, can you please pass me the level?\u201d \u00a0My four year old son, Ember, trembles with excitement as he passes the tool to his grandfather. \u00a0\u201cIs the board straight, Grampa?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Ember\u2019s 18 month old sister, Peregrine, plays with some unused lumber nearby.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s the first sunny day when you can feel spring is definitely here, and my family is building a treehouse. \u00a0And not just any treehouse… \u00a0This treehouse has been thirty years in the making. \u00a0Let me explain. \u00a0You see, right now we\u2019re living in what was my childhood home, a few floors down from my parents, having returned a couple years ago from a long stint on the east coast.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image admin_label=”Image” show_in_lightbox=”off” url_new_window=”off” use_overlay=”off” animation=”left” sticky=”off” align=”left” force_fullwidth=”off” always_center_on_mobile=”on” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” src=”http:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/20170310_161538-1.jpg”] <\/p>\n The story of this treehouse begins in my own childhood. \u00a0Long ago, when I was around eight, and my little brother was maybe four, my parents planted an apple tree in the backyard. \u00a0Just to give a little shade (my mother\u2019s wish), and bear fruit for pies (for my father). \u00a0We didn\u2019t spend a lot of time in the garden, but every now and then, my parents had an idea that might motivate our being out there more. \u00a0To my brother and I, this tree was the best idea yet. \u00a0Because to us, a tree in the backyard meant only one thing. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Treehouse!<\/span><\/p>\n My parents explained that this tree would be a sapling, too small for treehouse or even climbing. \u00a0When the tree arrived, I could see their point. \u00a0It was about my height, its trunk the width of my wrist.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label=”Row”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_image admin_label=”Image” src=”http:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Baby-Tree.jpg” show_in_lightbox=”off” url_new_window=”off” use_overlay=”off” animation=”left” sticky=”off” align=”left” force_fullwidth=”off” always_center_on_mobile=”on” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”] \u201cWon\u2019t it grow?\u201d we asked, hopefully. \u00a0\u201cWhen will it be ready?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cProbably in about thirty years,\u201d my father chuckled.<\/span><\/p>\n Well\u2026 \u00a0He was right!<\/span><\/p>\n Today, thirty-two years later, construction is underway. \u00a0Wow. \u00a0That same tree, now a grandmother. \u00a0Our apple tree. \u00a0In my own childhood, we never did spend more time out in the garden. \u00a0But all those years, the tree grew quiet alongside us. \u00a0She\u2019s been through a lot. \u00a0There were her years of relative bounty, when she gave enough golden delicious apples for a pie or two, and my father became famous for those pies. \u00a0Recent years have been harder. \u00a0Several droughts took their toll on her. \u00a0In her thirst, she lost the ability to bear apples. \u00a0These days, in her leafy seasons, her leaves are white and crawling with aphids. \u00a0But today, watching my children play happily around her now thick trunk, sunlight playing in her still winter-bare branches, I can see her for the miracle she is.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m too big to fit in the treehouse now, but I think it makes me even happier that my children will be the ones to experience this. \u00a0They\u2019ll know every nail, every crack. \u00a0They were involved in its planning, and gave suggestions. \u00a0\u201cCan it have a ladder, grandpa? \u00a0Can it have a railing? \u00a0A roof?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n As I watch them, I do well up a bit, feeling the preciousness of these moments together with both my young children and my aging parents. \u00a0This is the kind of afternoon that I feel grateful I’ve lived long enough to see.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image admin_label=”Image” show_in_lightbox=”off” url_new_window=”off” use_overlay=”off” animation=”left” sticky=”off” align=”left” force_fullwidth=”off” always_center_on_mobile=”on” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” src=”http:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/20170313_180258-1.jpg”] As I think about it, I realize\u00a0this treehouse is held up by more than a much-loved, aging\u00a0apple tree. \u00a0This treehouse is also\u00a0built on a family value. \u00a0It’s a value I learned from my parents, while growing up. \u00a0In our family culture<\/strong>, it was one of the values we lived by. \u00a0I learned this value, alongside all the other things I learned in childhood, because it was the common theme of\u00a0many of our family activities. \u00a0I learned\u00a0the value of building things with my own two hands<\/strong>. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It’s interesting what happens with a value like this, over time. \u00a0Eventually, it becomes an\u00a0identity. \u00a0Something you take pride in. \u00a0One of the things, even, that makes you you. \u00a0<\/strong>I’m Noe, <\/strong>and I like to make things. \u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0It’s not just an individual identity, it’s a group identity, too. \u00a0Something that anyone in our family could say about all of us together as a group:<\/span><\/p>\n It bears mention that neither of my parents were professional artists or crafts people while we were growing up. \u00a0It was just… \u00a0something pervasive. \u00a0Something in the air, even. \u00a0It was thread that wove through everything. \u00a0When I was little, my mother always had some sewing project underway for us children. \u00a0A doll she was sewing from a pattern… \u00a0A miniature\u00a0Ergo (called a Snuggli back then) just like the one she carried me in. \u00a0My father\u2019s specialty was halloween costumes– outrageous, wild,\u00a0bulky things we\u00a0carved out of the foam of old couches. <\/span><\/p>\n Every family has a family culture. \u00a0Your family culture is made up of\u00a0<\/span>the values your family lives by<\/b>. \u00a0But those values may be more or less conscious for us. \u00a0When we take a conscious look at our family culture<\/strong>, the things we do regularly, and how we live with and treat one another, and to see how it aligns with our most deeply held beliefs<\/strong>, we can begin to shape something that has enormous influence on our children\u2019s wellbeing, and our own. \u00a0A strong family culture creates the safe container where everyone\u2019s best selves can shine through.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n So today I want to talk to you about how to <\/span>recognize and shape<\/b> your own family culture.<\/span><\/p>\n The first step is to identify the values your family currently operates out of. \u00a0<\/strong>To do this,\u00a0complete this sentence: \u00a0<\/span>\u201cIn our family, we ________.\u201d<\/b> \u00a0Look especially for things that are positive and aspirational. \u00a0Maybe you don\u2019t do these things all the time, but you\u2019d like to. \u00a0Try to come up with a list.<\/span><\/p>\n As you do this, you\u2019ll find the things you come up with fit into two categories.<\/p>\n The example I gave, <\/span>\u201cIn our family, we know how to make things,\u201d<\/b> is a little of both. \u00a0A little what we do, a little who are and strive to be– makers. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image admin_label=”Image” show_in_lightbox=”off” url_new_window=”off” use_overlay=”off” animation=”left” sticky=”off” align=”left” force_fullwidth=”off” always_center_on_mobile=”on” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” src=”http:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/MeadowlarkFamily-Culture.jpg”] [\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]<\/p>\n Now look at your list<\/strong>. \u00a0Which things are most important to you? \u00a0Do you see any ways you could future nurture the expression of these values in your family life?<\/span><\/p>\n When thinking about how to nurture your own family culture, it\u2019s important to think about where you started. \u00a0The family culture we grew up in may hold the seeds of of what we want to establish with our own children, and there are probably also places we\u2019d like to do things differently. \u00a0In this next exercise, we\u2019ll think about our family culture of origin, and examine where it resonates with, and diverges from, the kind of family culture we want to maintain today.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image admin_label=”Image” show_in_lightbox=”off” url_new_window=”off” use_overlay=”off” animation=”left” sticky=”off” align=”left” force_fullwidth=”off” always_center_on_mobile=”on” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” src=”http:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/20170313_170837-1.jpg”] [\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]<\/p>\n One of my colleagues at Golden Bridges School has a sweet example of one such ritual from her family life, and I liked it so much we’ve incorporated the ritual, (and the value!) into ours. \u00a0That\u2019s why it\u2019s nice to talk about these things. \u00a0Because it\u2019s wonderful how\u00a0we can inspire each other.<\/span><\/p>\n This colleague explained that in her family, the most important value she and her partner want to impart is \u201c<\/span>in our family, we are<\/b> kind<\/b>.\u201d \u00a0So every afternoon, when their daughter returns from pre-school, they find a moment to check in. \u00a0She asks her daughter two questions:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Rituals like this can add something of deep\u00a0value to your day with your child. \u00a0As Kim John Payne writes in his wonderful book, <\/span>Simplicity Parenting<\/span>, in the midst of a busy life, they create little islands of calm and connection. \u00a0You can also imagine the cumulative power of a ritual like this. \u00a0Repeated daily, over time, these kinds of moments nurture the development of <\/span>your child\u2019s inner moral compass<\/b>— a point of orientation that will serve them throughout their lives.<\/span><\/p>\n So I’d love to hear from you! \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n What\u00a0value feels the most important to you, right now?\u00a0 <\/strong><\/p>\n What\u00a0ways are you finding to nurture this value in\u00a0your family life?<\/strong><\/p>\n And finally,\u00a0I want to <\/span>share this song with you<\/b>. \u00a0This one isn\u2019t so much about values, but it is a great song for building tree houses.\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Actually, it needn’t be a treehouse. \u00a0It’s a great song to sing while building anything. \u00a0Pillow forts, tents,\u00a0even tarp shelters, like the one we’ll be setting up outside in Glen\u00a0Canyon when\u00a0my outdoor Waldorf class,<\/strong> Apple Star<\/strong>, starts up again.<\/span><\/p>\n This one is from my parents generation– It\u2019s called \u201c<\/span>Let Us Come In<\/b>\u201d, by Malvina Reynolds.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n
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\n[\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]<\/p>\nYour Family Culture<\/b><\/h1>\n
We are a family of makers<\/strong>. <\/span><\/h3>\n
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