As parents, it can be hard to remember, especially if the change feels positive to us, that to our little ones, just because a change is positive doesn\u2019t mean it will be easier for them to manage. \u00a0For our little ones, change is just change, and it\u2019s not often easy to handle.<\/p>\n
Toddler development expert Tovah Klein writes eloquently about this in her wonderful manual \u201cHow Toddlers Thrive.\u201d \u00a0As director of a large early childhood center, she frequently meets with parents who are at their wits end with their two – four year old\u2019s behavior. \u00a0\u201cWe just can\u2019t understand what\u2019s wrong with him! \u00a0He\u2019s gone from being pretty easy to be with to kicking, punching, and fussing over every little thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
Klein shares that in each of these situations, she asks one question.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave there been any changes in your life recently?\u201d<\/p>\n
Invariably, she explains, there has been change. \u00a0It might be a big thing, like a move to a new school, a new job for a parent that means spending less time with the child. \u00a0Or it might be a small thing like not getting to press the elevator button, as one usually does in the morning.<\/p>\n
Whatever the change, any disruption to their routine can be very hard on our little ones<\/strong>. \u00a0They feel uprooted, and it will\u00a0take time for them to\u00a0regain their equilibrium.<\/p>\n Now, the above is probably not a surprise to you\u2026 \u00a0If you\u2019re parenting a toddler, chances are you\u2019ve been through it before, those moments when you ask \u201cWhat’s gotten into him?!<\/strong>\u201d \u00a0And then you remember, \u201cOh, that\u2019s right, we\u2019ve only been back from vacation for a week, pre-school was out yesterday, and we just went to the dentist. \u00a0No wonder he\u2019s acting like this.\u201d<\/p>\n What we may not have thought so much about is how change affects our children even in a \u201cnormal\u201d day.<\/strong><\/p>\n When my son was two, I had a major aha moment, inspired by the book I mentioned above, How Toddlers Thrive<\/strong><\/span>. \u00a0My son was going through a difficult developmental stage, and I was having a hard time understanding the reasons behind his behavior.<\/p>\n Then it hit me. \u00a0We were walking down the street in our old neighborhood in\u00a0Brooklyn, when, suddenly, I was able to see\u00a0things through his eyes. \u00a0And guess what? \u00a0On that single city block, within twenty minutes of activity, were eight transitions I\u2019d never noticed before.<\/p>\n Getting off the bus, watching it pull away. \u00a0A transition.<\/p>\n Waiting at the light, crossing the street, getting to the other side.<\/p>\n Going into a store was a transition. \u00a0Choosing a lemon. \u00a0Putting it back and choosing a different one. \u00a0The checkout line.<\/p>\n I thought about our\u00a0daily lives in general.<\/p>\n Going outside, going inside, getting dressed, getting in the bath, going to bed, waking up, sitting down for a meal\u2026 \u00a0Now that I was looking through this lens, I could see that\u00a0even the easiest days were full of transitions.<\/strong> \u00a0I suddenly appreciated how much I was asking of him in navigating them all. \u00a0And I felt my compassion for him deepen in a way that has remained to this day.<\/p>\n So much to see on a single city block! Here’s my daughter having a moment with an inmate at the pup wash down the street.<\/p><\/div>\n And then I began to experiment.<\/p>\n Slowly, I learned how to better meet my sensitive child\u2019s need for consistency<\/strong>. \u00a0I began to structure our time so that whenever we did something, we did the same things in the same order.<\/strong> \u00a0I introduced a meal rotation so that noodle night was always on Wednedsay, and on Saturday morning, we had pancakes.<\/p>\n I found the places where I could honor his need for consistency (such as walking a similar route to the park each day), and saved introducing novelty for the places that really mattered to me– like meeting a new friend or going to someone\u2019s house for brunch on a special occasion.<\/p>\n AND, I gave myself a new role in mothering. \u00a0I began to think of myself as \u201cPriestess of the Transition<\/strong>.\u201d \u00a0I know it sounds a little nutty! \ud83d\ude09 \u00a0But let me explain\u2026<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Just as a priest or rabbi might help you through a moment of transition in your own life, such as the birth of a new baby, a death in the family, or a marriage, you can help your child move from the known to the new with a greater sense of safety and trust.<\/p>\n There are so many pieces to this. \u00a0The first and most important thing is simply your presence. \u00a0Whenever you are going through a transition, no matter how big or how small, take a moment to try to see it from your child’s perspective, and hold your child in the light of empathy.<\/p>\n Then find your own equanimity, and boldly captain the ship! \u00a0Don’t ask questions. \u00a0Don’t get mired in talking about feelings. \u00a0(Though if your child is resistant, a little acknowledgment\u00a0can go a long way! \u00a0“You don’t want to put on your socks right now! \u00a0You’re feeling frustrated.” \u00a0Say this,\u00a0but don’t stop helping them get those socks on!)<\/p>\n As you move through any transition, try to hold your child in love and mindfulness.<\/strong> \u00a0And hold yourself this way too!<\/strong> \u00a0It’s not easy being a Mama! \u00a0We carry so much,\u00a0often without as much support as we’d like. \u00a0But you’re doing this. \u00a0You’re doing it so beautifully<\/strong>. \u00a0How often do we really let ourselves feel the beauty and magic of what we’re doing<\/strong>, as every day, we strive to give the very best parts of ourselves to our children? \u00a0I think we give ourselves more opportunities to feel it.<\/p>\n Every day.<\/p>\n A few times an hour.<\/p>\n What if we could remember it all the time<\/strong>? \u00a0Who would we be, if we could really, truly feel the beauty of what we bring, every day, to our children?<\/strong><\/p>\n And there’s something else we can do– something that can help us stay in touch with the levity, and the joy. \u00a0Sing!<\/strong><\/p>\n Incorporating songs into your transitions helps so much on a practical level, because songs signal to your child what’s coming.<\/strong> \u00a0But they do so much more than that!\u00a0\u00a0Singing can help to stabilize YOU too.<\/strong> \u00a0You\u2019ll be amazed how it can ground and settle you when you just launch into the first notes of the familiar song that always goes with a particular moment of your day.<\/p>\n The tooth brushing song.<\/p>\n The putting on shoes song.<\/p>\n The dish washing song.<\/p>\n The going out the door song.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll feel yourself thinking, \u201cah, yes, this is the moment when we go down the stairs. \u00a0We all know what\u2019s coming, and now here we go. \u00a0What a relief!\u201d<\/p>\n So speaking of stairs, here\u2019s a very sweet song I recently discovered, thanks to the wonderful folk music anthologist, Ruth Crawford Seeger.<\/p>\n In my family, we\u2019ve been using it for our own comings and goings, and it\u2019s wonderful how it helps to get everyone out the door dressed and in one piece.<\/p>\n To make it easier to learn it, I’m including two videos– one of the song accompanied by my guitar, and the other of the song in action, as we head out the door to start our day.<\/p>\n Thanks for reading, everyone. \u00a0Have a wonderful week!<\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code admin_label=”Code”]<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/5GgCevH2R0s” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen><\/iframe>[\/et_pb_code][et_pb_code admin_label=”Code”]<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/QDAiW6rgvsY” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen><\/iframe>[\/et_pb_code][et_pb_cta admin_label=”Call To Action” url_new_window=”off” use_background_color=”on” background_color=”#9cd8a9″ background_layout=”dark” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ saved_tabs=”all”]<\/p>\n If you enjoyed this post, here are a few ways to go deeper:<\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re in the SF Bay Area, we warmly invite you to join us in person!<\/span><\/p>\n Meadowlark Music Class<\/strong><\/a>, my weekly music class for children and caregivers, meets W, TH, and F mornings at indoor and outdoor locations around San Francisco. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Or learn more about Waldorf education through my my outdoor Waldorf parent child class, Apple Star<\/strong><\/a>, which meets Tuesday mornings in Glen Canyon. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Wherever you live, you can\u00a0download our latest album<\/strong><\/a>. \u00a0It’s free \/ pay what you want!<\/span><\/p>\n Or join the conversation in our\u00a0online community, Deep River Families<\/a><\/strong>.<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_cta][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” text_font_size=”16″ use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”] Little ones struggle with change. \u00a0The change might seem small to us. Having the ketchup on top of his scrambled eggs instead of on the side. \u00a0Having papa at home in the morning when he\u2019s usually at work. \u00a0A week long visit from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1800,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" Little ones struggle with change.<\/strong> \u00a0The change might seem small to us. Having the ketchup on top of his scrambled eggs instead of on the side. \u00a0Having papa at home in the morning when he\u2019s usually at work. \u00a0A week long visit from grandparents.<\/p> As parents, it can be hard to remember, especially if the change feels positive to us, that to our little ones, just because a change is positive doesn\u2019t mean it will be easier for them to manage. \u00a0For our little ones, change is just change, and it\u2019s not often easy to handle.<\/p> Toddler development expert Tovah Klein writes eloquently about this in her wonderful manual \u201cHow Toddlers Thrive.\u201d \u00a0As director of a large early childhood center, she frequently meets with parents who are at their wits end with their two - four year old\u2019s behavior. \u00a0\u201cWe just can\u2019t understand what\u2019s wrong with him! \u00a0He\u2019s gone from being pretty easy to be with to kicking, punching, and fussing over every little thing.\u201d<\/p> Klein shares that in each of these situations, she asks one question.<\/p> \u201cHave there been any changes in your life recently?\u201d<\/p> Invariably, she explains, there has been change. \u00a0It might be a big thing, like a move to a new school, a new job for a parent that means spending less time with the child. \u00a0Or it might be a small thing like not getting to press the elevator button, as one usually does in the morning.<\/p> Whatever the change, any disruption to their routine can be very hard on our little ones<\/strong>. \u00a0They feel uprooted, and it will\u00a0take time for them to\u00a0regain their equilibrium.<\/p> Now, the above is probably not a surprise to you\u2026 \u00a0If you\u2019re parenting a toddler, chances are you\u2019ve been through it before, those moments when you ask \u201cWhat's gotten into him?!<\/strong>\u201d \u00a0And then you remember, \u201cOh, that\u2019s right, we\u2019ve only been back from vacation for a week, pre-school was out yesterday, and we just went to the dentist. \u00a0No wonder he\u2019s acting like this.\u201d<\/p> What we may not have thought so much about is how change affects our children even in a \u201cnormal\u201d day.<\/strong><\/p> When my son was two, I had a major aha moment, inspired by the book I mentioned above, How Toddlers Thrive<\/strong><\/span>. \u00a0My son was going through a difficult developmental stage, and I was having a hard time understanding the reasons behind his behavior.<\/p> Then it hit me. \u00a0We were walking down the street in our old neighborhood in\u00a0Brooklyn, when, suddenly, I was able to see\u00a0things through his eyes. \u00a0And guess what? \u00a0On that single city block, within twenty minutes of activity, were eight transitions I\u2019d never noticed before.<\/p> Getting off the bus, watching it pull away. \u00a0A transition.<\/p> Waiting at the light, crossing the street, getting to the other side.<\/p> Going into a store was a transition. \u00a0Choosing a lemon. \u00a0Putting it back and choosing a different one. \u00a0The checkout line.<\/p> I thought about our\u00a0daily lives in general.<\/p> Going outside, going inside, getting dressed, getting in the bath, going to bed, waking up, sitting down for a meal\u2026 \u00a0Now that I was looking through this lens, I could see that\u00a0even the easiest days were full of transitions.<\/strong> \u00a0I suddenly appreciated how much I was asking of him in navigating them all. \u00a0And I felt my compassion for him deepen in a way that has remained to this day.<\/p>[caption id=\"attachment_1803\" align=\"aligncenter\" width=\"1200\"] And then I began to experiment.<\/p> Slowly, I learned how to better meet my sensitive child\u2019s need for consistency<\/strong>. \u00a0I began to structure our time so that whenever we did something, we did the same things in the same order.<\/strong> \u00a0I introduced a meal rotation so that noodle night was always on Wednedsay, and on Saturday morning, we had pancakes.<\/p> I found the places where I could honor his need for consistency (such as walking a similar route to the park each day), and saved introducing novelty for the places that really mattered to me-- like meeting a new friend or going to someone\u2019s house for brunch on a special occasion.<\/p> AND, I gave myself a new role in mothering. \u00a0I began to think of myself as \u201cPriestess of the Transition<\/strong>.\u201d \u00a0I know it sounds a little nutty! ;) \u00a0But let me explain\u2026<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> Just as a priest or rabbi might help you through a moment of transition in your own life, such as the birth of a new baby, a death in the family, or a marriage, you can help your child move from the known to the new with a greater sense of safety and trust.<\/p> There are so many pieces to this. \u00a0The first and most important thing is simply your presence. \u00a0Whenever you are going through a transition, no matter how big or how small, take a moment to try to see it from your child's perspective, and hold your child in the light of empathy.<\/p> Then find your own equanimity, and boldly captain the ship! \u00a0Don't ask questions. \u00a0Don't get mired in talking about feelings. \u00a0(Though if your child is resistant, a little acknowledgment\u00a0can go a long way! \u00a0\"You don't want to put on your socks right now! \u00a0You're feeling frustrated.\" \u00a0Say this,\u00a0but don't stop helping them get those socks on!)<\/p> As you move through any transition, try to hold your child in love and mindfulness.<\/strong> \u00a0And hold yourself this way too!<\/strong> \u00a0It's not easy being a Mama! \u00a0We carry so much,\u00a0often without as much support as we'd like. \u00a0But you're doing this. \u00a0You're doing it so beautifully<\/strong>. \u00a0How often do we really let ourselves feel the beauty and magic of what we're doing<\/strong>, as every day, we strive to give the very best parts of ourselves to our children? \u00a0I think we give ourselves more opportunities to feel it.<\/p> Every day.<\/p> A few times an hour.<\/p> What if we could remember it all the time<\/strong>? \u00a0Who would we be, if we could really, truly feel the beauty of what we bring, every day, to our children?<\/strong><\/p> And there's something else we can do-- something that can help us stay in touch with the levity, and the joy. \u00a0Sing!<\/strong><\/p> Incorporating songs into your transitions helps so much on a practical level, because songs signal to your child what's coming.<\/strong> \u00a0But they do so much more than that!\u00a0\u00a0Singing can help to stabilize YOU too.<\/strong> \u00a0You\u2019ll be amazed how it can ground and settle you when you just launch into the first notes of the familiar song that always goes with a particular moment of your day.<\/p> The tooth brushing song.<\/p> The putting on shoes song.<\/p> The dish washing song.<\/p> The going out the door song.<\/p> You\u2019ll feel yourself thinking, \u201cah, yes, this is the moment when we go down the stairs. \u00a0We all know what\u2019s coming, and now here we go. \u00a0What a relief!\u201d<\/p> So speaking of stairs, here\u2019s a very sweet song I recently discovered, thanks to the wonderful folk music anthologist, Ruth Crawford Seeger.<\/p> In my family, we\u2019ve been using it for our own comings and goings, and it\u2019s wonderful how it helps to get everyone out the door dressed and in one piece.<\/p> To make it easier to learn it, I'm including two videos-- one of the song accompanied by my guitar, and the other of the song in action, as we head out the door to start our day.<\/p> Thanks for reading, everyone. \u00a0Have a wonderful week!<\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_s2mail":"yes"},"categories":[53,3,7,1],"tags":[26,84,62,96,95,94,13],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1798"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1798"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1798\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1800"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1798"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1798"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1798"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/pablo-22.png\")
<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/20170423_153554.jpg\")
Priestess of the Transition<\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/pablo-24.png\")
<\/p>\n<\/p> So much to see on a single city block! Here's my daughter having a moment with an inmate at the pup wash down the street.[\/caption]Priestess of the Transition<\/strong><\/h2>
<\/p>