[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” text_font_size=”16″ text_line_height=”1.9em” custom_padding=”|15%||15%”]<\/p>\n
I need to come clean about something.<\/p>\n
This week was\u00a0kind of a rough one<\/strong>\u00a0in my life as a mama. \u00a0I was not my best self\u00a0<\/strong>with my six year old son. \u00a0Far from it. \u00a0In fact, I had\u00a0one of my lowest mama moments<\/strong>\u00a0ever. \u00a0I didn\u2019t like the way he was behaving, and\u00a0I got mad. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n A lot of the time, in such moments, I draw on the parenting tools I\u2019ve learned over the years to get ahold of myself before I say something I regret.\u00a0 I’ve learned a lot from\u00a0connection parenting,\u00a0<\/strong>and often, those\u00a0<\/strong>strategies get me through.<\/p>\n But not this time.<\/strong><\/p>\n My son was kept doing the things that most push my buttons, and\u00a0I became fully furious<\/strong>\u00a0with him. \u00a0I responded to his behavior with some deeply wounding words.<\/p>\n I watched him crumble, and my heart flooded with remorse.<\/p>\n What happened next?<\/p>\n Well, I did the only thing one can really do in such situations. \u00a0I took a moment to cool down and get my head together. \u00a0And then I\u00a0made a repair.<\/strong><\/p>\n I listened to his feelings. \u00a0I held space for his hurt. \u00a0I apologized for what I had said, and acknowledged how it had made him feel. \u00a0As we cuddled together on the couch, his tears began to flow.<\/p>\n \u201cMama,\u201d he told me, \u201cyou made me feel like I was a bad child.\u201d<\/p>\n Indeed, I had.\u00a0 My heart broke to hear him say it, but that was exactly what I had done.\u00a0 I had, in that moment, become my worst parenting nightmare.<\/p>\n What was going on? \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Well, a lot, truly. \u00a0With him, a lot. \u00a0He has endured\u00a0a massive transition lately,<\/strong>starting kindergarten mid year at a new school.\u00a0 A huge change, that took him away from a world that’s been familiar and beloved by him.<\/p>\n On top of that, his sister has been sick for more than a week.\u00a0 During that time, she’s\u00a0gotten more attention<\/strong>\u00a0than little sisters ought to, in his view, and left\u00a0very little Mama left for him<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Upon reflection, I could see that his wildly challenging behaviors were a\u00a0very sensible response<\/strong>\u00a0to all he\u2019s had to go through recently.<\/p>\n Actually, the more I thought about it, the more I could see that\u00a0the behavior I disliked the most was my own!<\/strong><\/p>\n So what was going on with me?<\/p>\n Well, this, dear families, is the true purpose of my musings.\u00a0 Because this has come up a few times this week with Mamas in my circles, too.<\/p>\n How do we hold ourselves when we know we have hurt someone<\/strong>?\u00a0 Or even just not given our best to them?\u00a0 And especially when that person is our own precious child? \u00a0How do you talk to yourself? \u00a0How do we rebound from a momentary (or longer term) parenting failure?<\/strong><\/p>\n Well, here’s what I did.<\/p>\n After I’d checked in with him, and he was back to happily playing with his sister,\u00a0I took a quick self care break<\/strong>. \u00a0I checked in with myself. \u00a0I paid attention to my breathing, and\u00a0noticed the feelings<\/strong>\u00a0that arose. \u00a0I felt the pain of inner judgment, and the remorse. \u00a0I sat with those feelings without trying to change them<\/strong>. \u00a0I noticed them for what they were – strong and painful, but also transient, as our emotions are always shifting and changing.<\/p>\n Then I\u00a0thought about the conditions<\/strong>\u00a0that had led me to feel so under resourced that I had lost it with my child.<\/p>\n Truly, there was a lot for me as well.<\/p>\n First, sleeplessness. \u00a0My daughter\u2019s illness had\u00a0kept me up a lot of the night\u00a0<\/strong>for several days.<\/p>\n Days, too, had been harder than usual.\u00a0 The school transition, while a positive shift overall, had meant\u00a0a lot of extra emotional labor.<\/strong>\u00a0 We had all been trying hard to show up big time for my son, to help support him through his big feelings around the transition, and I was a little worn down from all we were giving.<\/p>\n Finally,\u00a0my three year old is weaning<\/strong>, which brings with it a hormonal shift on par with birth or pregnancy. \u00a0It can really wreak havoc on your emotions.<\/p>\n So, as awful as I felt about what had happened, I did what I needed to do to move on.<\/p>\n Just as I had made a repair with my child, I\u00a0made a repair with myself. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n I apologized<\/strong>\u00a0to myself for being less than vigilant in my self care routines. \u00a0I committed to try to do better<\/strong>\u00a0at making space for the things that help keep me feeling strong and supported. \u00a0I thanked myself\u00a0<\/strong>for continuing to show up.<\/p>\n In short, I spoke to myself with the same kindness and love that, in better moments, I try to impart to my children.<\/p>\n The overall gist?\u00a0\u00a0No matter, what you do, I will love and stand by you,\u00a0<\/strong>because I love you just the way you are.\u00a0 (Thanks, Mr. Rogers!)\u00a0 \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n I\u2019ve talked to my children before about self-love. \u00a0They think it\u2019s hilarious,\u00a0<\/strong>like I\u2019m actually making a joke. \u00a0\u201cLove yourself Mama?\u201d they squeal. \u00a0\u201cYou can\u2019t love yourself!\u201d \u00a0The idea is absurd to them.<\/p>\n I know they\u2019re thinking of the yoga pose they learned from my partner.\u00a0 This pose is one where you hold your leg close to your body. \u00a0To make the poses child friendly, my partner often adds a bit of a joke to them. \u00a0In this case, while holding their leg, they say, \u201cI love you, leg<\/strong>!\u201d and laugh uproariously as they lovingly hold their own leg and give it kisses.<\/p>\n I listen to their laughing. \u00a0I love hearing them laugh.<\/p>\n But I secretly also hope that this message is also sinking in somewhere – Now, all this may seem like it has very little to do with my usual topic of making music together in community.\u00a0 But in fact, it has everything to do with it.<\/p>\n Because\u00a0how we hold each other in community<\/strong>\u00a0begins with\u00a0how we hold ourselves<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Today,\u00a0I recommit to love<\/strong>.\u00a0 I recommit to loving myself as much as I love my children.\u00a0 As much as I love music, as much as I love all the people and things I most dearly love.\u00a0 I recommit to a love that\u00a0knows no boundary<\/strong>\u00a0– that spills over\u00a0to my children<\/strong>,\u00a0my family<\/strong>,\u00a0to my work,\u00a0<\/strong>all of it.<\/p>\n And\u00a0the next time you feel like you fall short of the person you want to be, I wish the same for you.<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” text_font_size=”16″ text_line_height=”1.9em” custom_padding=”|15%||15%”] I need to come clean about something. This week was\u00a0kind of a rough one\u00a0in my life as a mama. \u00a0I was not my best self\u00a0with my six year old son. \u00a0Far from it. \u00a0In fact, I had\u00a0one of my lowest mama […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":24631,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_s2mail":"yes"},"categories":[53,3,4,1],"tags":[126,121,125,62,128,129,123,124,122,127],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24630"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=24630"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24630\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/24631"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=24630"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=24630"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=24630"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nthat one day, when they need most consciously to summon that inner love for themselves, they\u2019ll remember.<\/p>\n