[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” text_font_size=”16″ use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” custom_padding=”|15%||15%”]<\/p>\n
It goes by so fast. \u00a0We hear it all the time. \u00a0We say it to each other.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt goes by so fast\u201d is a truth of parenting that we forget and remember, forget and remember.<\/p>\n
Forget during those long nights when we\u2019re up every hour feeding our child. \u00a0Remember when we look back at our family album, and remember how tiny they were in the beginning. \u00a0(Back when they were smaller than the cat!)<\/p>\n
Forget during those long days at home with them, trying to put together the daily schedule that will fill all\u2026 those\u2026 hours… \u00a0Remember when we meet a friend we haven\u2019t seen in a while, and notice all the new things our littles one can do, now that they\u2019re older.<\/p>\n
This month, I had a big reminder of \u00a0\u201cIt goes by so fast.\u201d<\/p>\n
My three and a half year old daughter, Peregrine, started preschool.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s been a long time coming. \u00a0Since she was born, we\u2019ve kept her close. \u00a0For three years, her days have generally been spent at home or going on outings with me, with her father, or with my parents.<\/p>\n
As someone living with extended family, I\u2019ve had the privilege of getting to follow her lead.<\/p>\n
I got to wait until she was ready.<\/p>\n
I love how she let me know.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s how it happened – I went to pick her up from a playdate at the home of her best friend who\u2019s four. \u00a0When I came to get her, the girls were jumping on the couch together, giggling.<\/p>\n
The room was happily cluttered with all the debris of their fun together from the morning. \u00a0Drawing, finger puppets, books and toys\u2026 So many wonderful activities they had enjoyed together.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeregrine, honey, it\u2019s time to go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo! \u00a0I want to stay!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI understand, my love. \u00a0I wish I could let you stay. \u00a0It\u2019s time for our friends to go on with their day, and we\u2019re going to have some Peregrine – Mama time.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at me thoughtfully. \u00a0\u201cMama\u2026\u201d She seemed to be searching for the words for a moment, then went on.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s too much Mama,\u201d she said. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m ready for friends.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then it was me who was searching for words. \u00a0I felt so many things.<\/p>\n
It was one of those moments when you flash back on a whole carousel of images from years past. \u00a0Wearing her in the woven wrap after she was just born. A mischievous moment at ten months old when she poured an entire jar of cumin on the couch pillows. \u00a0Seeing her as a spunky three year old, standing up for herself with her older brother.<\/p>\n
All those times we\u2019d lived and shared together, back when I was pretty much the center of her world.<\/p>\n
And now, just like that, some shift had occurred, and she was emerging from the cocoon of the time we had shared. \u00a0I felt it as clear as a new day. She was ready.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m so glad to hear it,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cThat moves my heart to hear that you are ready for friends. \u00a0From now on, let\u2019s be sure that you have more time with friends.\u201d<\/p>\n
I signed her up for pre-school the next day. \u00a0She started the following week. And the transition has been virtually seamless.<\/p>\n
Virtually seamless.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s not to say that it\u2019s been without ambivalence (on her part), or wanting to backtrack. \u00a0Like all big change, sudden certainty is followed by slow shifting, parts of ourselves catching up, feelings settling. \u00a0It was sudden clarity, followed by a gradual transition to help us bring it into everyday life.<\/p>\n
Peregrine loved the free play based, Waldorf inspired school we\u2019d chosen, and we knew it was the right place for her. \u00a0Still, she was pretty ambivalent about being alone there. For the first two days, I stayed the whole day with her while she just sat on my lap and watched the other children play. \u00a0On her third day, my mother spent the day with her there. Then, on the fourth day, I knew she was ready. I stayed a bit, then told her I had a meeting I needed to go to.<\/p>\n
Her eyes widened, but she rallied, and when I came to get her, the teacher\u2019s told me that she\u2019d had a great day.<\/p>\n
Now, when I pick her up, she never wants to leave nursery school. \u00a0She camps out on the little rocker and digs in her heels. \u201cMama, I do NOT want to go home.\u201d \u00a0Or curls up with the other children reading books by the cozy fire. \u201cMama, I want to stay here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sometimes, she doesn\u2019t want to go.<\/p>\n
\u201cMama,\u201d she says some mornings, \u201cI changed my mind. \u00a0I\u2019m NOT ready for friends. I need more Mama. I want you to stay with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI hear you, sweetheart,\u201d I say. \u00a0\u201cI understand how you feel. We all feel sometimes like we just need Mama to stay with us. \u00a0But do you know that I will ALWAYS be your Mama? Even when you go to school, I will always be here for you when you need me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Such a tender process, this growth into independence. \u00a0This movement towards and into our places of safety and certainty. \u00a0Then the outbreath\u2026 Moving out\u2026 Expansion\u2026 Feeling into our curiosity, reaching into the world again.<\/p>\n
What a privilege it is to behold my daughter coming into her own..<\/p>\n
As I watch her grow into independence, I recommit to my own steadfastness for her. \u00a0However she moves, let me be a place she can return to. Let me be a stable, safe, strong earth to her developing, enveloping freedom.<\/p>\n
Little daughter.<\/p>\n
Cloud taster.<\/p>\n
Roller down hills.<\/p>\n
Little storyteller, with your bunnies, kitty – unicorns and enchanted places.<\/p>\n
May you always know that you have a home in me.<\/p>\n
May I always discern how to help you feel safe and seen, so that you can come to me with your problems. \u00a0So you can tell me, \u201cActually, maybe I\u2019m not ready for friends.\u201d
\nAnd one day, when you\u2019re a big kid with something big to tell me, may you know then too that you can come to me. \u00a0Maybe something really big. Maybe something that will shock me. May you know, when that day comes, that you can tell it to me anyway. \u00a0May you know me well enough by then to know that after I\u2019m shocked, I\u2019ll get over it and come around.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, I just sit back, little one, and wonder.<\/p>\n
Wonder at the miracle of your finding yourself and your way. \u00a0So young. So whole. So strong.<\/p>\n
My daughter, and yet… \u00a0Not mine.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour children are not your children.
\nThey are the sons and the daughters of life\u2019s longing for itself
\nThey come through you
\nBut they are not of you
\nAnd though they are with you
\nThey belong not to you.<\/p>\n
-Khalil Gibran\u201d<\/p>\n
So let us cherish this time\u2026 \u00a0This time when we hold them close.<\/p>\n
And when the time comes to let them go, let them go. \u00a0Release them with our blessing, and without grasping.<\/p>\n
So that they know that our love is unambivalent.<\/p>\n
May they know that they have our unconditional love and support, and also that they belong, with equal love, to themselves.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” text_font_size=”16″ use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” custom_padding=”|15%||15%”] It goes by so fast. \u00a0We hear it all the time. \u00a0We say it to each other. \u201cIt goes by so fast\u201d is a truth of parenting that we forget and remember, forget and remember. Forget during those long nights when we\u2019re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":24737,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_s2mail":"yes"},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24736"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=24736"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24736\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/24737"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=24736"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=24736"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=24736"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}