[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” text_font_size=”16″ use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”]<\/p>\n
I\u2019m with my kids at the\u00a0Bay Area Discovery Museum<\/strong>. \u00a0It\u2019s one of those perfect Sausalito spring days. \u00a0Crisp but not too chilly, breeze coming in off the water, birds wheel overhead.<\/p>\n It\u2019s been a challenging week. \u00a0My son has been up a lot in the night, so we\u2019re all under rested.<\/p>\n But it\u2019s more than that. \u00a0Lately, I\u2019ve been struggling with the schlep, as my yiddish grandmother would say. \u00a0It\u2019s not over the top, what I do. \u00a0We live with extended family, so I\u2019ve got tons of support. \u00a0It\u2019s small stuff. \u00a0Chauffeuring and pickups, all the running around, various appointments, getting in and out of cars, packing and unpacking of food containers.<\/p>\n I find myself wishing I had more quality time with my children, and more quality time in general.<\/p>\n It began to happen around the time my daughter turned three and stopped nursing. \u00a0I started to feel myself wanting\u00a0a little more of my own space.<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0More time to dream and plan. \u00a0More time with my spouse.<\/p>\n And also more time with my children when we don\u2019t have to *do* anything or *go* anywhere.<\/p>\n Time to just be.<\/p>\n The farther I get into it, the more it amazes me what parents do. What my parents did for me. \u00a0What all parents do, whether they intend to or not, and no matter how intentionally they rise to the challenge. \u00a0The degree of sacrifice that parenting entails.<\/p>\n I think I really had no sense of what it actually did entail, until my children reached this age. \u00a0Even in their babyhood, in all those nights of one or another children nursing frequently for years\u2026 \u00a0Even with those three years I spent mostly at home with them. \u00a0I didn\u2019t really understand.<\/p>\n I got what it was in the day to day, the total surrender. \u00a0But I couldn\u2019t feel how it fits into the long term. \u00a0How it feels, and what it really means to *keep showing up*.<\/p>\n It\u2019s gotten more challenging as my children get older, and here\u2019s why. \u00a0As a mother of babies, I was pretty sure of myself. \u00a0Once we discovered co-sleeping, baby wearing, nursing in the carrier, and other natural parenting practices, I had my basic tools. \u00a0And I was confident in my choices.<\/p>\n How I felt depended on how much stamina I had.\u00a0 I was tired sometimes, and occasionally I felt frustrated about this or that.<\/p>\n But for me, it was never a question of knowing what to do.<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0I had my mama tribe, I had my cave woman wisdom. \u00a0I knew what my little ones needed. \u00a0I knew it in my bones.<\/p>\n I wish I could say this was still the case.<\/p>\n But the truth is, these days, I don\u2019t always know.<\/p>\n Now that my children are three and six, they are beginning to crash into the world in new and wonderful ways. \u00a0They are coming into themselves, pushing boundaries, challenging some of the values they\u2019ve been raised with (screen free home being the main one.)<\/p>\n They are ready to start exploring what it means to have their own money.\u00a0 And they want more toys than I feel like we can fit in our house.<\/p>\n This raises big questions about how to maintain our family culture while living in a broader culture with some very different values.<\/p>\n Sometimes we find we need new skills, new ways to set boundaries.<\/p>\n And sometimes my sensitive spouse and I just get frankly overwhelmed by the normal 6 year old hijinx and screaming, and walk around in ear plugs for a while.<\/p>\n Along the way, I have these conversations with myself.<\/p>\n Me –<\/strong>\u00a0I don\u2019t know what to do<\/strong>\u00a0today. \u00a0Why can\u2019t I fix this?<\/p>\n Inner Self\u00a0<\/strong>– Yes. \u00a0You don\u2019t always know. \u00a0It\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n Me\u00a0<\/strong>– But what can I do?<\/p>\n Inner self<\/strong>\u00a0– Just keep showing up.<\/p>\n Me<\/strong>\u00a0– But I don\u2019t know if that was the right way to handle that!<\/p>\n Inner Self\u00a0<\/strong>– It doesn\u2019t matter. \u00a0Not your job to figure it out right now. \u00a0Just keep showing up.<\/p>\n Me\u00a0<\/strong>– \u00a0I love them so much. \u00a0I feel frustrated that I don\u2019t know what to do sometimes.<\/p>\n Inner Self<\/strong>\u00a0– Yes, it feels like that. \u00a0Just keep loving them. \u00a0Just keep loving yourself.<\/p>\n So, all of this is on my mind as we walk into the discovery museum.<\/p>\n As we walk through the gates, I feel myself relax, knowing my children will have a lovely time, and that I\u2019ll get to enjoy being with them while also enjoying a little time to think and dream.<\/p>\n My children stop to examine a table at the entrance.<\/p>\n The museum has a surprise for us. \u00a0Free superhero capes for all visitors! \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Which gets my children talking.<\/p>\n \u201cMama, what\u2019s a superhero?\u201d asks Peregrine, age 3.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s someone who has a special power<\/strong>. \u00a0Someone who can do something powerful and special. \u00a0Like leap over buildings. \u00a0Or fly through the air.\u201d<\/p>\n They put on the shiny green capes, contemplative.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think, children?\u201d \u00a0I ask them. \u00a0\u201cIf you were a superhero, what would you be? \u00a0And what would your super power be?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d be a raccoon<\/strong>,\u201d \u00a0says my six year old son. \u201cA raccoon who can swim really fast. \u00a0Did you know that raccoons can swim they do the doggie paddle?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d be a falcon<\/strong>,\u201d chimes in Peregrine, age 3. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m the fastest creature on earth.\u00a0 I can fly SOOOOO fast.\u00a0 That\u2019s my super power.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMama, what\u2019s your super power?\u201d \u00a0They ask.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t have to think about it. \u00a0I know immediately.<\/p>\n My super power is love.<\/p>\n Every day, no matter what.<\/p>\n Keep showing up.<\/p>\n Keep showing up, getting it wrong, getting it right, figuring it out, finding my way.<\/p>\n Talking. \u00a0Listening. \u00a0Loving my kids. \u00a0Loving myself.<\/p>\n Through pickups, drop offs, big feelings and impossible requests.<\/p>\n The impossible requests my kids make of me,\u00a0and the ones I make of myself.<\/strong><\/p>\n Through it all, keep showing up.\u00a0 One hug and then another. \u00a0One day at a time.<\/p>\n Because that\u2019s what love does.<\/p>\n It doesn\u2019t just sit there. \u00a0It is made and remade. \u00a0Anew. \u00a0Every day.<\/p>\n Every way we humble ourselves. \u00a0Every way we open ourselves to not knowing, and thus open the path to learn.<\/p>\n Yes, I know my super power.<\/p>\n \u201cChildren,\u201d I tell them, \u201cmy super power is love.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section”][et_pb_row admin_label=”row”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” text_font_size=”16″ use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid”] I\u2019m with my kids at the\u00a0Bay Area Discovery Museum. \u00a0It\u2019s one of those perfect Sausalito spring days. \u00a0Crisp but not too chilly, breeze coming in off the water, birds wheel overhead. It\u2019s been a challenging week. \u00a0My son has been up a lot […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":24771,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_s2mail":"yes"},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24769"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=24769"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24769\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/24771"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=24769"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=24769"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.noevenable.com\/singingcircles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=24769"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}